I remember one night my dad brought home steak and announced to me 

that I was going to eat it and he was going to watch me.

He would not take “no” for an answer.

I cried and begged him not to make me do this.

This thing sitting on my plate had become my worst enemy.

It was pure fat; one bite would ruin everything.

I had to make him understand I could not eat this and that if he really loved me, he would not make me.

I was crying, begging him to let go of this crazy idea, but he wouldn't.

He said he would sit there all night.

I had no choice, NO CHOICE!

But [A] this was supposed to be my choice.

The one thing I had control over.

[B] Those words pushed a button in me and I no longer cared about him or his feelings.

All I felt were anger and hate.

I hated him for making me do [C] this, for making me feel my pain and face how distorted my reality had become.

I hated him for making me eat that disgusting, evil food.

All my life I had done things for everyone else.

The grades, the manners, the awards - everything for them, nothing for me.

This eating thing, this losing weight had become mine.

It represented me and my choices, and now my dad was trying to take [D] that away from me, too!

As I lay in bed that night crying and feeling fat, I knew I needed help.

I knew I was hurting people I loved.

After staying up all night, I came to the conclusion that it wasn't my dad I hated.

I hated ME!

I realized that I wasn't in control.

For the first time in my life, I understood that this was my problem.

I needed to take control of my life - not let the disease control it.

Things didn't change overnight.

In fact, it was one long road to recovery.

But slowly, with the help of friends and family, I began to heal.

Now that I'm at my ideal weight, I have stopped weighing myself altogether.

I no longer pursue fashion magazines, either - I may not be "in style," but I feel just right!

안녕하세요

오늘도 질문이 있습니다 ^^;

거식증에 걸린 아이에 관한 이야기인데요

밑줄 친 부분이 가리키는 것이 정확히 이해가 안되어 질문하게 되었습니다

늘 감사드립니다! 

Happy New Year!!!