I remember one night my dad brought home steak and announced to me
that I was going to eat it and he was going to watch me.
He would not take “no” for an answer.
I cried and begged him not to make me do this.
This thing sitting on my plate had become my worst enemy.
It was pure fat; one bite would ruin everything.
I had to make him understand I could not eat this and that if he really loved me, he would not make me.
I was crying, begging him to let go of this crazy idea, but he wouldn't.
He said he would sit there all night.
I had no choice, NO CHOICE!
But [A] this was supposed to be my choice.
The one thing I had control over.
[B] Those words pushed a button in me and I no longer cared about him or his feelings.
All I felt were anger and hate.
I hated him for making me do [C] this, for making me feel my pain and face how distorted my reality had become.
I hated him for making me eat that disgusting, evil food.
All my life I had done things for everyone else.
The grades, the manners, the awards - everything for them, nothing for me.
This eating thing, this losing weight had become mine.
It represented me and my choices, and now my dad was trying to take [D] that away from me, too!
As I lay in bed that night crying and feeling fat, I knew I needed help.
I knew I was hurting people I loved.
After staying up all night, I came to the conclusion that it wasn't my dad I hated.
I hated ME!
I realized that I wasn't in control.
For the first time in my life, I understood that this was my problem.
I needed to take control of my life - not let the disease control it.
Things didn't change overnight.
In fact, it was one long road to recovery.
But slowly, with the help of friends and family, I began to heal.
Now that I'm at my ideal weight, I have stopped weighing myself altogether.
I no longer pursue fashion magazines, either - I may not be "in style," but I feel just right!
오늘도 질문이 있습니다 ^^;
거식증에 걸린 아이에 관한 이야기인데요
밑줄 친 부분이 가리키는 것이 정확히 이해가 안되어 질문하게 되었습니다
Happy New Year!!!