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I remember one night my dad brought home steak and announced to me
that I was going to eat it and he was going to watch me.
He would not take “no” for an answer.
I cried and begged him not to make me do this.
This thing sitting on my plate had become my worst enemy.
It was pure fat; one bite would ruin everything.
I had to make him understand I could not eat this and that if he really loved me, he would not make me.
I was crying, begging him to let go of this crazy idea, but he wouldn't.
He said he would sit there all night.
I had no choice, NO CHOICE!
But [A] this was supposed to be my choice.
The one thing I had control over.
[B] Those words pushed a button in me and I no longer cared about him or his feelings.
All I felt were anger and hate.
I hated him for making me do [C] this, for making me feel my pain and face how distorted my reality had become.
I hated him for making me eat that disgusting, evil food.
All my life I had done things for everyone else.
The grades, the manners, the awards - everything for them, nothing for me.
This eating thing, this losing weight had become mine.
It represented me and my choices, and now my dad was trying to take [D] that away from me, too!
As I lay in bed that night crying and feeling fat, I knew I needed help.
I knew I was hurting people I loved.
After staying up all night, I came to the conclusion that it wasn't my dad I hated.
I hated ME!
I realized that I wasn't in control.
For the first time in my life, I understood that this was my problem.
I needed to take control of my life - not let the disease control it.
Things didn't change overnight.
In fact, it was one long road to recovery.
But slowly, with the help of friends and family, I began to heal.
Now that I'm at my ideal weight, I have stopped weighing myself altogether.
I no longer pursue fashion magazines, either - I may not be "in style," but I feel just right!
안녕하세요
오늘도 질문이 있습니다 ^^;
거식증에 걸린 아이에 관한 이야기인데요
밑줄 친 부분이 가리키는 것이 정확히 이해가 안되어 질문하게 되었습니다
늘 감사드립니다!
Happy New Year!!!
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neil님의 댓글
Please see below.
A: ‘This’ in “This was my choice” refers to (her father) ‘sitting there all night.’
B: ‘Those words’ refers to the words her father said - (he would) “sit there all night.”
C: ‘Making me do this’ refers to ‘making me eat the steak sitting on my plate.’
blessed님의 댓글의 댓글
근데 A가 잘 이해가 안 되는데 아빠가 앉아있는게 나의 선택이어야 한다는것인가요?
즉 그건 아빠가 결정할 수 있는게 아니라 내가 결정하는 것이다 라는 의미요?
그리고 D도 있어요 ^^;
neil님의 댓글